Simple Steps To Make The World A More Perfect Place

Men’s Health magazine is one of my favorites and the most recent issue offers a list of simple steps to make the world a more perfect place. Here in a condensed form are their changes which could benefit all of us:

1. No more bathroom attendants.
2. Carpentry, plumbing and electrical courses should be mandatory for
all boys in middle school.
3. Scarlett Johansson would replace Andrew Jackson on the $20 bill.
4. All base runners would score on a ground-rule double.
5. All of the following would be tax deductible: TV sports packages,
alcoholic beverages, mechanical timepieces and shoe shines.
6. Icing the kicker in football or free-throw shooter in basketball would be outlawed.
7. Caddies would be prohibited on the PGA Tour. No other athlete has a butler/shrink on the field with him. Players should be able to figure out distances and what clubs to use on their own.
8. Men would be able to admit uncertainty and women would find this
attractive.
9. Movie reviewers would be forbidden to call a flick the funniest movie of the year until the following year.
10. Women would start with the climax of their stories and then go back to fill in the details if we ask.
11. If you set out to climb Mt. Hood wearing shorts and sandals but then have to be rescued by 12 men, two helicopters and a team of huskies you have to repay the cost of being an idiot.
12. All cable providers would carry a Selma Hayak channel.
13. Those little ketchup and mustard packets would be twice as big.
14. A 25-handicap golfer would not be allowed to pace off approach shot yardage…just put the ball in the air.
15. All gutters would self-clean.
16. Parents would strive to give their children self-reliance instead of self-esteem.
17. Singing “Happy Birthday” at the office would result in immediate termination.
18. Every fifth year would be free of federal income taxes.
19. Volunteering to put sunscreen on women would finally be seen for what it is….community service in cancer prevention
20. Parent-teacher nights would come with nachos and tequila shooters.