What It Means To Be Irish

Tomorrow is Saint Patrick’s Day and quite a few Jersey Shore residents will lift a glass and toast the patron saint of Ireland, who died around 460 A.D. Since radio listeners come and go I offer my annual ditty on what being Irish really means and there’s probably more truth than blarney in this.

BEING IRISH MEANS:
• You swear very well.
• At least one of your cousin’s holds political office.
• You will never play pro basketball.
• You think you sing very well and while you don’t know the words you continue to sing anyway.
• You have no idea how to make a long story short.
• You are very good at playing a lot of very bad golf….mulligan is one of your favorite words.
• Much of the food you ate as a child was boiled.
• There is not a huge difference between losing your temper and actually killing someone.
• You spent a good portion of your childhood kneeling.
• You’re very poetic after a few beers. You are therefore poetic a lot.
• You will be punched for no good reason….a lot.
• Some of those punches are legacies from past generations.
• Your sister will punch you because your brother punched her.
• You probably have a sister named Mary, Catherine or Elizabeth…one just might be Mary Catherine Elizabeth.
• You can’t wait for the other guy to stop talking so you can start.
• “Irish Stew” is a euphemism for “boiled leftovers from the fridge.”
• You’re not nearly as funny as you think but what you lack in talent you make up for in frequency.
• There wasn’t a huge difference between your last wake and your last keg party.
• Your parents were on a first name basis with everyone in the Emergency Room.
• You are genetically incapable of keeping a secret.
• You are or know someone named “Murph.” If you don’t know “Murph” then you know “Mac.” If you don’t know “Murph” or “Mac” then you certainly know “Sully.”