Every once in a while I go back into the archives for a radio version of a re-run and today is one of those. Feeling a desire and need to bring a smile to your face…at least I hope so here are some things to ponder:
1. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
2. If people from Poland are called “Poles,” why aren’t those from Holland called “Holes?
3. Ever wonder about those who spend $2.00 on a little bottle of Evian water?
Do you know what you get when you spell Evian backwards? NAÏVE.
4. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren’t they just stale bread to begin with?
5. If FedEx and UPS were to merge would they called it Fed Up?
6. If the commercial is right and 4 out of 5 people suffer from Diarrhea does that mean one person actually enjoys it?
7. Do those who work for Lipton Tea take coffee breaks?
8. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
9. What hair color do they put on the drivers licenses of bald men?
10. Did you ever notice when you put “The” and “IRS” together it spells…”THEIRS?”
11. Why do they put pictures of criminals in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be de-lighted, musicians de-noted, cowboys de-ranged, models de-posed, tree surgeons de-barked and dry cleaners de-pressed?
13. If most mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks does that mean Chinese mothers use toothpicks?
14. Did you ever notice that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive?
15. Do you think more and more people read the Bible as they get older because it’s like cramming for a final exam?
I hope you smiled at least once….if not then you are in for a rough day.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
Summer's Return
A little of this and a little of that after the most sensational October weekend I can ever remember at the shore.
As a matter of fact it was so nice I had to get my wife’s beach chair out of storage so she could go yesterday to the beach in Seaside Park. I had other things to do but Jane went with a couple of friends and said it was hot and crowded and the water was incredibly warm. The mild weather was a real boost to the Columbus weekend festivities in Seaside Heights as the traffic at times looked like a summer weekend. The October “heat wave” will break tomorrow and in a few days we’ll be pretty much in the 60’s which is more like it. The warm weather has been a dilemma for those who put away all their summer clothes but yours truly was not caught off guard…I have shorts on today.
Some 150 people were on hand Saturday night for a “Retirement Roast” of Denny D’Andrea at the Brick PAL building. D’Andrea recently retired from teaching at Brick Memorial High School and during much of his career he was a highly successful head and assistant wrestling coach. The tight-knit wrestling community was on to hand to pay tribute to him Saturday including many of his former wrestlers, among them state champs Bob Martin of Brick Memorial and Cary Broad of Manalapan. The diminutive D’Andrea was head coach at Freehold Boro for 5 years and then 5 at Manalapan before spending two decades at Memorial.
While no longer coaching he remains involved in the sport and is a goodwill ambassador. The retirement roast was organized by former Memorial head coach Tony Caravella.
I’ve broadcast a lot of high school football games over the years but few can match the excitement of Central’s dramatic come-from-behind 21-20 victory over Manchester Friday night which we carried on our Shore Sports Network. The visiting Hawks jumped out to a 20-0 lead behind the play of running back Joe Johnson and quarterback Tim Rogers and it looked like they would spoil Hall of Fame night at Joseph J. Boyd Field. However that was when Kalyph Hardy took over and put on a show few there will forget. He scored three touchdowns, including the game-winner from 8-yards out with 32 seconds left. Hardy, who might be the best athlete in the shore finished with 222 yards rushing…ten more than Johnson. The two met at midfield after the game and exchanged handshakes knowing that while the scoreboard didn’t say so…both were winners.
As a matter of fact it was so nice I had to get my wife’s beach chair out of storage so she could go yesterday to the beach in Seaside Park. I had other things to do but Jane went with a couple of friends and said it was hot and crowded and the water was incredibly warm. The mild weather was a real boost to the Columbus weekend festivities in Seaside Heights as the traffic at times looked like a summer weekend. The October “heat wave” will break tomorrow and in a few days we’ll be pretty much in the 60’s which is more like it. The warm weather has been a dilemma for those who put away all their summer clothes but yours truly was not caught off guard…I have shorts on today.
Some 150 people were on hand Saturday night for a “Retirement Roast” of Denny D’Andrea at the Brick PAL building. D’Andrea recently retired from teaching at Brick Memorial High School and during much of his career he was a highly successful head and assistant wrestling coach. The tight-knit wrestling community was on to hand to pay tribute to him Saturday including many of his former wrestlers, among them state champs Bob Martin of Brick Memorial and Cary Broad of Manalapan. The diminutive D’Andrea was head coach at Freehold Boro for 5 years and then 5 at Manalapan before spending two decades at Memorial.
While no longer coaching he remains involved in the sport and is a goodwill ambassador. The retirement roast was organized by former Memorial head coach Tony Caravella.
I’ve broadcast a lot of high school football games over the years but few can match the excitement of Central’s dramatic come-from-behind 21-20 victory over Manchester Friday night which we carried on our Shore Sports Network. The visiting Hawks jumped out to a 20-0 lead behind the play of running back Joe Johnson and quarterback Tim Rogers and it looked like they would spoil Hall of Fame night at Joseph J. Boyd Field. However that was when Kalyph Hardy took over and put on a show few there will forget. He scored three touchdowns, including the game-winner from 8-yards out with 32 seconds left. Hardy, who might be the best athlete in the shore finished with 222 yards rushing…ten more than Johnson. The two met at midfield after the game and exchanged handshakes knowing that while the scoreboard didn’t say so…both were winners.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Friday, October 8
The High School Football weekend got off to an early start as last night Toms River North improved to 4-1 with a 35-28 win over visiting Colts Neck. Senior quarter Scott Buxbaum ran for 103 yards and a touchdown and threw a pair of touchdown passes, including the game-winner to Joey Fields in the 4th quarter.
Mariner senior Jesse Tate scored touchdowns on a pass reception and fumble return. In what would have to be considered a surprise, Middletown North knocked off Howell 21-13 last night while the shore’s top-ranked team Red Bank Catholic ran all over Freehold 45-0 and Wall just got past Ocean 14-7.
Tonight the Shore Sports Network will be at Central Regional where the Golden Eagles host a banged-up Manchester team in a key Class B South matchup featuring two of the shore’s too players in running backs Kalyph Hardy and Joe Johnson. A win tonight could put Central in position to win its first division title since 1994. Hardy has already topped the 1,000 yard rushing mark after just four games and is coming off a 415-yard rushing performance against Brick a week ago. The game will be broadcast on 105.7FM and 1160AM with kickoff at 7pm.
The Toms River Student Loan Fund honored Superintendent of Schools Frank Roselli along with 19 teachers at last night’s annual recognition dinner at the Quality Inn of Toms River. Roselli was saluted for his lifetime of commitment to the district and its students and praised the staff and community for their support.
The dinner also paid tribute to the reigning teachers of the year in the 19 schools who were joined by family and friends. I had the pleasure of serving as Master of Ceremonies and am a trustee of the student loan fund which assists Toms River High School graduates. Special thanks to the Quality Inn for their usual outstanding job.
Speaking of outstanding, kudos to everyone at Klee’s Bar & Grill who hosted their 20th fundraising golf outing this week at Gambler Ridge for Ocean of Love. The incredibly well-run event raised around $17,000 and as always featured plenty of sunshine and smiling faces, especially from the winning foursome of Ted Schelmay, Bill Frank, Mike Citta and Charlie Frazier. With the support of owners Sue Brosnan and Butch Anderson and under the direction of Glenn McCarthy and Joe Cary the staff at Klee’s has raised hundreds of thousands of dollars for Ocean of Love, who assists families dealing with childhood cancer. Well done!!!!
Mariner senior Jesse Tate scored touchdowns on a pass reception and fumble return. In what would have to be considered a surprise, Middletown North knocked off Howell 21-13 last night while the shore’s top-ranked team Red Bank Catholic ran all over Freehold 45-0 and Wall just got past Ocean 14-7.
Tonight the Shore Sports Network will be at Central Regional where the Golden Eagles host a banged-up Manchester team in a key Class B South matchup featuring two of the shore’s too players in running backs Kalyph Hardy and Joe Johnson. A win tonight could put Central in position to win its first division title since 1994. Hardy has already topped the 1,000 yard rushing mark after just four games and is coming off a 415-yard rushing performance against Brick a week ago. The game will be broadcast on 105.7FM and 1160AM with kickoff at 7pm.
The Toms River Student Loan Fund honored Superintendent of Schools Frank Roselli along with 19 teachers at last night’s annual recognition dinner at the Quality Inn of Toms River. Roselli was saluted for his lifetime of commitment to the district and its students and praised the staff and community for their support.
The dinner also paid tribute to the reigning teachers of the year in the 19 schools who were joined by family and friends. I had the pleasure of serving as Master of Ceremonies and am a trustee of the student loan fund which assists Toms River High School graduates. Special thanks to the Quality Inn for their usual outstanding job.
Speaking of outstanding, kudos to everyone at Klee’s Bar & Grill who hosted their 20th fundraising golf outing this week at Gambler Ridge for Ocean of Love. The incredibly well-run event raised around $17,000 and as always featured plenty of sunshine and smiling faces, especially from the winning foursome of Ted Schelmay, Bill Frank, Mike Citta and Charlie Frazier. With the support of owners Sue Brosnan and Butch Anderson and under the direction of Glenn McCarthy and Joe Cary the staff at Klee’s has raised hundreds of thousands of dollars for Ocean of Love, who assists families dealing with childhood cancer. Well done!!!!
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Steve Jobs: 1955 - 2011
On the surface I would seem to be the last guy to pay tribute to Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple and former CEO who died Wednesday at age 56 some seven years after first being diagnosed with cancer. I’m technically-challenged and at this point have never owned an iPhone or iPad….I do have an iPod but frankly I don’t know how to operate it very well and it keeps playing the same Dave Matthews songs. However Jobs’ genius to me is summed up in the 2005 commencement address he gave at Stanford University of which I have a copy which I keep in my office. It chronicled his ups and downs, from being born to a young, unwed college graduate student who put him up for adoption. He blew much of his parent’s savings before dropping out of Reed College but he didn’t leave the school. Instead he started taking classes at the same school in subjects that interested him, including calligraphy which ironically helped him a decade later during the resign of the first Macintosh computer. But let me go back a bit because at this time he didn’t have a dorm room because he really wasn’t enrolled in college. Jobs slept on the floor of some friend’s rooms and returned Coke bottles to get some money for food and every Sunday walked 7 miles across town for a free meal at a Hare Krishna temple. And in his speech he told the Stanford grads that while they may not sound great…he was happy because he was doing what he wanted to do.
He also went on to recount the story that at age 30 he lost a battle with the co-founder of Apple and was out of a job when the Board of Directors sided with the other guy. But he went on to start another company which eventually was bought out by Apple who then returned Jobs to the top position. It was during this time that he met the love of his life and while it was not easy to accept Jobs shared with the graduates that his original firing was actually the best thing that could have happened.
This speech was only about a year after he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer at which time his doctor told him he would last only six months. He kept waiting to die during this period but things actually got better and he thought he had beaten the disease. But it didn’t matter because he learned during this time that Death is very likely the single best invention of Life as it clears out the old to make way for the new. He told the students that right now they are the new but they would gradually become the old. He added “your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life and have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
In A Hurry
In most cases I think you can break drivers into two main categories….those in a hurry and those who are not. I know that’s rather simple but I really believe when you look closely at those behind the wheel it comes down to that and can in some cases be the root cause of road rage.
I admit that most times I fall into the category of being in a hurry as it always seems like I am racing against the clock to get somewhere. Most of the time it’s my fault as I did not leave enough time to get from point A to point B. Often though outside factors like traffic put you behind and then result in sometimes desperate measures to make up that time and get to where you need to be. That is when you seem to run into the driver who seems to be out for a joy ride and is in no rush to go anywhere. You get behind him or her and your blood pressure starts building as they are cruising or limping along at 5 or 10 miles below the speed limit. Let’s face it they are not doing anything wrong but you (or me) start screaming at them to pull over or get off the road as you keep looking at the clock and realize there is simply no way you are getting to your destination on time.
Of course this can lead to a full-blown road rage incident and sometimes does because you are now blaming the slower driver for what’s really your problem. It’s not as bad as when you get cut off or have to jam on your breaks because the driver in front of you does not use a turn signal but there is no question the slower driver at the very least causes stress in others. Listen this really comes down to the fact that most of us are time-challenged and if it takes 20 minutes to get somewhere we plan on 20…or maybe even 18. So when you get behind that slow driver in a non-passing area you quickly make them out to be the bad guy or even bad driver. In truth even if they are doing the speed limit we want them off the road for people like us who have places to go and things to do. I would imagine that is much more prevalent in an area like ours where there are so many elderly drivers on the road….many of whom should no longer be behind the wheel. However as long as they are we need to co-exist and maybe at the end of the day the simple solution is respect and courtesy. Of course I could make a case that’s the solution to most of our problems but I’ll leave that for another day.
With a somewhat hurried Hometown View, I’m Kevin Williams.
I admit that most times I fall into the category of being in a hurry as it always seems like I am racing against the clock to get somewhere. Most of the time it’s my fault as I did not leave enough time to get from point A to point B. Often though outside factors like traffic put you behind and then result in sometimes desperate measures to make up that time and get to where you need to be. That is when you seem to run into the driver who seems to be out for a joy ride and is in no rush to go anywhere. You get behind him or her and your blood pressure starts building as they are cruising or limping along at 5 or 10 miles below the speed limit. Let’s face it they are not doing anything wrong but you (or me) start screaming at them to pull over or get off the road as you keep looking at the clock and realize there is simply no way you are getting to your destination on time.
Of course this can lead to a full-blown road rage incident and sometimes does because you are now blaming the slower driver for what’s really your problem. It’s not as bad as when you get cut off or have to jam on your breaks because the driver in front of you does not use a turn signal but there is no question the slower driver at the very least causes stress in others. Listen this really comes down to the fact that most of us are time-challenged and if it takes 20 minutes to get somewhere we plan on 20…or maybe even 18. So when you get behind that slow driver in a non-passing area you quickly make them out to be the bad guy or even bad driver. In truth even if they are doing the speed limit we want them off the road for people like us who have places to go and things to do. I would imagine that is much more prevalent in an area like ours where there are so many elderly drivers on the road….many of whom should no longer be behind the wheel. However as long as they are we need to co-exist and maybe at the end of the day the simple solution is respect and courtesy. Of course I could make a case that’s the solution to most of our problems but I’ll leave that for another day.
With a somewhat hurried Hometown View, I’m Kevin Williams.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Homeland Fills The 24 Void
Maybe it’s because it seems like there’s so much bad news and we need laughs but it looks like the TV comedy is back. Sitcoms of course were the rage for years but prime-time TV has been dominated by reality shows and dramas in recent times.
However early returns have been favorable for programs like “Two And A Half Men”, “2 Broke Girls,” “Modern Family,” “How I Met Your Mother” and “The Big Bang Theory” which have all been ranked in the Nielsen ratings top ten. Among the new shows the early indications are that “The Playboy Club” and “Charlie’s Angels” are in trouble and could be the first ones to be cancelled. We DVR so many shows during the week I didn’t think I could commit to another but yesterday a co-worker implored me to watch a new drama on Showtime starring Claire Danes. So I did and “Homeland” is very good and I’m hooked…it’s a little bit like “24” and if you liked that show I think you’ll get into this one very quickly.
During the past baseball season you might have heard promos on this radio station for a program called “Home Runs for Heroes” which is a partnership between OceanFirst Foundation, the Lakewood BlueClaws and WOBM FM/AM. Basically the way it worked is that the OceanFirst Foundation gave $1000 to a military-based charity each time a BlueClaws player hit a home run during a home game. The charities were randomly tied to innings and the results are in with a total of $26,000 awarded to nine local charities that serve members of the military and their families. The big winner was VetGroup which received $7000 followed by the New Jersey National Guard State Family Readiness Council which was awarded $4000. All nine of the charities received at least $1000 and over the three years the OceanFirst Foundation has given $80,000 to these outstanding organizations…now that’s a grand slam.
Hawaii is about to become the first state in the nation to make Surfing an official high school sport. Of course Hawaii is the birthplace of surfing so it being the first to take this step is not a great surprise. State officials believe by making surfing a school sport it will open doors for kids to represent their school just like those who play football, basketball and other sports. Hawaii has the only statewide public school district in the country which makes this a bit easier to launch as every school will have to offer surfing to its student-athletes. Championships will be awarded to boys and girls as well as teams, similar to golf.
However early returns have been favorable for programs like “Two And A Half Men”, “2 Broke Girls,” “Modern Family,” “How I Met Your Mother” and “The Big Bang Theory” which have all been ranked in the Nielsen ratings top ten. Among the new shows the early indications are that “The Playboy Club” and “Charlie’s Angels” are in trouble and could be the first ones to be cancelled. We DVR so many shows during the week I didn’t think I could commit to another but yesterday a co-worker implored me to watch a new drama on Showtime starring Claire Danes. So I did and “Homeland” is very good and I’m hooked…it’s a little bit like “24” and if you liked that show I think you’ll get into this one very quickly.
During the past baseball season you might have heard promos on this radio station for a program called “Home Runs for Heroes” which is a partnership between OceanFirst Foundation, the Lakewood BlueClaws and WOBM FM/AM. Basically the way it worked is that the OceanFirst Foundation gave $1000 to a military-based charity each time a BlueClaws player hit a home run during a home game. The charities were randomly tied to innings and the results are in with a total of $26,000 awarded to nine local charities that serve members of the military and their families. The big winner was VetGroup which received $7000 followed by the New Jersey National Guard State Family Readiness Council which was awarded $4000. All nine of the charities received at least $1000 and over the three years the OceanFirst Foundation has given $80,000 to these outstanding organizations…now that’s a grand slam.
Hawaii is about to become the first state in the nation to make Surfing an official high school sport. Of course Hawaii is the birthplace of surfing so it being the first to take this step is not a great surprise. State officials believe by making surfing a school sport it will open doors for kids to represent their school just like those who play football, basketball and other sports. Hawaii has the only statewide public school district in the country which makes this a bit easier to launch as every school will have to offer surfing to its student-athletes. Championships will be awarded to boys and girls as well as teams, similar to golf.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Andy Rooney Signs Off 60 Minutes
Andy Rooney said goodbye last night….sort of in his 1,097th weekly commentary that aired on “60 Minutes.” The 92-year old admitted curmudgeon has had the last word on the hit CBS newsmagazine show for 33 years and dreaded the day when it would come to an end….Sunday was that day. Rooney said “I wish I could do this forever. I can’t though.” He insisted he was not retiring because he’s a writer and a writer never stops being a writer. If you watched last night you learned that he grew up in Albany, New York and began writing while in the Army during World War II for Stars and Stripes. Shortly after that he joined CBS where he wrote for Arthur Godfrey’s Radio & TV Show and later he was the writer and producer for newsman Harry Reasoner. Rooney’s now-famous closing piece on “60 Minutes” actually began as a summer replacement but proved to be some popular it was a regular feature by the fall of 1978. He made a career out of talking about things that bothered him and most of us but he never liked the limelight and as you might have learned last night refuses to give autographs, rarely answers fan mail and hates it when people shout his name. But he admitted to living a lucky life and was appreciative that so many enjoyed his commentaries. In what was a fitting conclusion to his swan-song Rooney said if you see him in a restaurant, “please, just let me eat my dinner.”
Honestly the best compliments I have ever received while doing this segment are those that have compared me to Rooney. There are many differences though, even more so than fame and fortune. He only had to do one piece a week and the 1,097 he aired pales in comparison to the approximate 3,150 ‘Hometown Views” I have broadcast over some 14 plus years. Plus, I trim my eyebrows when necessary and if you see me in a restaurant I’ll gladly talk to you if you pick up the tab.
For the most part the sports teams I root for have not had great success in recent years…or decades. So that means much of my energy often comes rooting against those I don’t like. With that said yesterday was a great day….the Giants win and the Eagles, Jets, Cowboys, Yankees and Phillies all lose. It won’t last long but for one day I felt like a winner.
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