Friday, April 23, 2010

Keeping It Light

I sort of felt like today’s segment had to be something on the lighter side because we sure have been exposed to plenty of heavy stuff recently.
So I came across something I actually did more than a year ago and it dealt with all the emails we receive that contain information supposedly important and informative. It’s sometimes difficult to decide what is truth and fiction
and I’m a bit screwed up because based on recent emails:

* I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.
* I can’t put lemon slices in my water without worrying about the
bacteria on the lemon peel.
* I can’t use the TV remote in a hotel room because I don’t know what
the last person was doing while flipping through the channels…nor
can I sit down on the bedspread because I can only imagine what has
happened since the last time it was washed.
* I can’t touch a woman’s purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of
a public bathroom.
* I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
* I can’t answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Uganda,
Singapore and places I can’t pronounce.
* I no longer have any money because I gave it all to the sick girl who is
about to die in the hospital for the millionth time…is she the same one
who wants to collect get well cards as a last wish?
* However the good news is that I will be getting $15,000 from AOL
and Microsoft for taking part in their special email program…man
they must have a lot of money to do this.
* At least I don’t have to worry about my soul because I have 300,000
angels looking out for me and St. Theresa’s novena has granted me
every wish.
* However I have also learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward an email to 7 of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes. Is someone actually keeping time because it would tick me
off if I lost out on something by a minute to two.

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