The 75 Skills Every Man Should Master

I hope you had a nice weekend because I’m wallowing in pity for myself after reading “The 75 Skills Every Man Should Master” in the current edition of “Esquire” magazine. The article suggests that over time we men should be able to:

Give advice that matters in one sentence. Tell if someone is lying. Take a photo. Score a baseball game. Name a book that matters. Know at least one musical group as well as possible. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill. Not monopolize the conversation. Write a letter. Buy a suit. Swim three different strokes. Show respect without being a suck-up. Throw a punch. Chop down a tree. Calculate square footage. Tie a bow tie. Make one drink in large batches, very well. Speak a foreign language. Approach a woman out of his league. Sew a button. Argue with a European without insulting soccer. Be loyal. Drive an eight-penny nail into a treated 2-by-4 without thinking about it. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat. Play gin with an old guy. Play go fish with a kid. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped. Feign interest. Make a bed. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms “nutty”, “fruity”, “oaky”, “finish”, or “kick.” Hit a jump shot in pool. Dress a wound. Jump-start a car, change a flat tire and change the oil. Make three different bets at a craps table. Shuffle a deck of cards. Tell a joke. Know when to split his cards in blackjack. Speak to an 8-year old so he will hear. Speak to a waiter so he will hear. Talk to a dog so it will hear. Install a lighting fixture without asking for help. Ask for help. Break another man’s grip on his wrist. Tell a woman’s dress size. Recite one poem from memory. Remove a stain. Say no. Fry an egg sunny-side up. Build a campfire. Step into a job no one wants to do. Sometimes kick some butt. Break up a fight. Point to the north at any time. Create a playlist in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person. Explain what a light-year is. Avoid boredom. Write a thank-you note. Be brand-loyal to at least one product. Cook bacon. Deliver a eulogy. Know that Christopher Columbus was an SOB. Throw a baseball overhand with some snap, throw a football with a tight spiral, and shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably. Find his way out of the woods if lost. Tie a knot. Hold a baby. Shake hands. Iron a shirt. Stock an emergency bag for the car. Caress a woman’s neck. Know some birds. Negotiate a better price.

That’s it and my times up. I have a lot of practicing to do.