Valentine's Day Advice For Men

Today of course is Groundhog Day as men in tuxedos in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania gather and watch Phil come out of his burrow on Gobbler’s Knob to predict the weather for the rest of the winter. Not truth to the rumor that the groundhog and Allan Kasper are close personal friends.

Anyway I don’t want to get into detail about that but rather this morning offer a public service to our male listeners because we are less than two weeks away from Valentine’s Day. With that in mind I have a list of some things you should never ever ask a woman. While inquiring about her age is an obvious one there are another dozen or so statements and questions you would better off keeping to yourself because nothing good can come out of saying the following:

• Why aren’t your married?
• What did you do to your hair?
• Your best friend is really hot!
• You aren’t one of those feminists, are you?
• You’re really cute when you’re mad.
• That’s not the way my ex did it.
• You sound just like your mother.
• Do you really think you should be eating that?
• So when are you due? (This is an obvious reference to a pregnant woman but please make sure she is pregnant before you ask).
• Relax!
• Do you really need another pair of shoes?
• What’s the big deal; you have another birthday next year.
• I don’t care…whatever you want. It doesn’t matter to me.
• Is it that time of month? (Should need no explanation).
• So how old are you really? (I know I said this is obvious but some guys continue to make the mistake).

I am still looking for the follow-up list of things women should never say to men. It would start with, “what’s the big deal, it’s only a game.”