The Viewing

There’s this saying about how when you get older you only see people you have not seen in a while at funerals and that is certainly the truth. Usually this occurs at what we call the “viewing” and these are often dramatically different depending on the circumstances of the death. You have someone who lived a long fruitful life and the gathering is often more of a celebration and reflection. People will mingle and tell stories and while there will be tears you’ll also find smiles and even laughter. However when the viewing is for someone who has died rather young or suddenly then the tone is quite different. It’s hard to find the right words to express your condolences although for those who have great faith there is often comfort in believing that the next step will be even better.

There are those who just can’t bring themselves to attend viewings, unless it is a family member or really close friend. Sometimes they just want to remember the person for how they looked in life rather then in death and you have to respect them for that. Others attend out of obligation although frankly I doubt if too many times a family has discussed who did not show up as they have other worries and thoughts on their minds. On the other extreme some seem to think of a viewing as a social event and will work the room like politicians at a fundraiser. Most though are probably like me in that you want the family of the deceased to know their loved one meant something to you so you are there to pay final respects. Sometimes you are able to find the right words to express your sorry and at other times you don’t say anything but shake a hand or offer a hug.

What’s really tough is when attending viewings of your contemporaries become something of a regular occurrence. It gives you a sense of your own mortality because when you are young death often seems something reserved for old people. All of a sudden you are looking at people you grew up with and you say to yourself, “that could be me.” Sadly I steal a line I heard from my father many times…..”the worst thing about getting older is you know more people who have died.”