Email Lessons

One of the downsides about emails is you’ll get your fair share of ones that are like chain letters and contain information that allegedly is important and informative. If one I just received is correct these emails have also screwed us all up because:

* I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.
* I can’t put lemon slices in my water without worrying about
the bacteria on the lemon peel.
* I can’t use the remote in a hotel room because I don’t know what the
last person was doing while flipping through the channels.
* Nor can I sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine
what has happened on it since it was last washed.
* I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving
because the #1 pastime which driving alone is picking your nose.
* I can’t touch any woman’s purse for fear she has placed it on the floor
of a public bathroom.
* I no longer have any savings because I gave it to the sick girl (Penny
Brown) who is about the die in the hospital for the millionth time.
* However I will be getting money once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special email program.
* I no longer worry about my soul because I have 300,000 angels looking out for me and St. Theresa’s novena has granted me every wish.
* Thanks to everyone I have learned that my prayers only get answered if
I forward an e-mail to 7 of my friends and make a wish within 5 minutes.
* Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
* I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
* I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Uganda, Singapore
And Uzbekistan.
* If you don’t send this email to at least 14,000 people in the next 14 minutes the fleas from 1,000 camels will infest your back causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband.