What It Means To Be Irish

Today of course is Saint Patrick’s Day which used to be among my favorite days of the year. Of course that was a time when the biggest decision might have been whether to spend the day at Klee’s or Kelly’s….with a designated driver of course. However I’ll be working today and will not be able to toast the patron saint of Ireland who died on this day, around 460 A.D. As I have done in the past I offer this little ditty on what being Irish really means and there’s probably more truth than blarney in this.

BEING IRISH MEANS:

• You will never play pro basketball.
• You swear very well.
• At least one of your cousin’s holds political office.
• You think you sing very well.
• You have no idea how to make a long story short.
• You are very good at playing a lot of very bad golf.
• There isn’t a huge difference between losing your temper and killing someone.
• Much of your food was boiled.
• You have never hit your head on the ceiling.
• You spent a good portion of your childhood kneeling.
• You’re strangely poetic after a few beers.
• You’re therefore, poetic a lot.
• You will be punched for no good reason…a lot.
• Some of those punches are legacies from past generations.
• Your sister will punch you because your brother punched her.
• Many of your sisters are Catherine, Elizabeth or Mary, and one might be Mary Catherine Elizabeth.
• You don’t know the words, but that does not stop you from singing.
• You can’t wait for the other guy to stop talking so you can start.
• “Irish Stew” is the euphemism for “boiled leftovers from the fridge.”
• You’re not nearly as funny as you think you are, but what you lack in talent, you make up for in frequency.
• There wasn’t a huge difference between your last wake and your last keg party.
• You are, or know someone named “Murph. If you don’t know Murph, then you know Mac, if you don’t know Murph or Mac, then you certainly know Sully.
• You are genetically incapable of keeping a secret.
• Your parents were on a first name basic with everyone at the hospital
Emergency room.
• And last but not least…Being Irish means your attention span is so
short that….oh, forget it.